Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
