Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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