Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
