I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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