I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Less talking, more tequila
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
