I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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