At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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