If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
