You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
