Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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