my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
