My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
