I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
