I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
