All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
