i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You're like the curious george of whores
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
