Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
