remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
