One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
