we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
