I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
