Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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