dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
