Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
