waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
