Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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