ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
