Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize