A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
