go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
