You can't motorboat a personality
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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