Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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