just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
