i wish my penis had a tongue
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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