Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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