i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
