are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
