my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
