I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
