sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
