Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
