dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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