I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
