some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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