uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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