oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
