You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
