just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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