In America we eat man semen.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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