we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize