Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
