Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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