i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you will always have a special place in my vag
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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