Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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