Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
