If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
