Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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