sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
