How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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