I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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