i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize