so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
