so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
