she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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