I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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