Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
