come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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