Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
