I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
