I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize