i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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