I'm eating all of the evidence.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
