She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
