can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize