ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
