I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize