got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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