i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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