Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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