And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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