dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
