Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
