I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
