I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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