This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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