You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
