I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
