maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
