Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
