i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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