she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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