He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
