Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
