That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
