it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
