I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
