So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize