It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
