I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
