I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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