you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
