So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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