Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
