How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
