there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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