Is it because I queefed?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
