You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
