it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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