I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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