Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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