Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
