He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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