is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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