On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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