she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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