you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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