She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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