Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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