Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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