Your dad touched me again.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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