forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
