OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
