hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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