Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
