She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
